What if the one word you use most in meetings is secretly undermining your leadership?
Phrases like “my department,” “my guys,” or “my budget” sound harmless, but they reveal far more than grammar – they reveal mindset. And in leadership, mindset shapes culture.
Over the last few weeks, we’ve talked about trust built through presence, why emotional steadiness matters more than charisma, and how leading isn’t about being the loudest – it’s about being the calm anchor. This week, let’s add another dimension: the language of stewardship.
From My Own Leadership Journey
During my years as Emergency Management Director (2009–2017), I learned the importance of stewardship language. I never referred to it as my agency or my department. It wasn’t my budget or my staff.
- It was always the department or the agency.
- It was our staff or the team.
- It was the budget we had to work with – never my budget.
That wasn’t just semantics; it was a mindset. The agency didn’t belong to me, and the people who worked there weren’t mine to claim. They were entrusted to me for a time, and my role was to steward, not to own.
This showed up in everyday leadership, especially in public settings. I was often interviewed, particularly during large-scale incidents, preparedness exercises, or multi-agency drills. These events brought together dozens of different departments and hundreds of men and women from across emergency services. In those moments, the language was important. I made a deliberate choice to use collective language like "our" and "the" instead of "my."
Because when you say my department in front of other agencies, you shrink the collective effort down to yourself. But when you say our staff or the men and women who serve this community, you elevate everyone who’s part of the mission.
Once I tuned into this stewardship language, I couldn’t help but notice how others spoke. In meetings, on the news, and even in casual conversations, I’d hear leaders slip into “my, my, my.” It's just like when you buy a black truck and suddenly notice black trucks everywhere; once you hear it, you can’t unhear it.
Ownership vs. Stewardship:
Here’s the difference:
- Ownership mindset: “My team. My budget. My results.”
- Stewardship mindset: “The team. Our agency. The budget.”
At first glance, the difference appears small – just a word here or there. But words have ripple effects. Ownership language makes teams feel like property. Stewardship language fosters trust, respect, and responsibility.
Which word you choose (my, our, the) may seem minor, but it changes how people hear you.
- “The team” separates ego from role.
- “Our team” reinforces shared responsibility.
- “My team” shrinks the whole thing down to your ego.
Great leaders don’t own. They steward.
The Research Behind Leadership Language:
Studies confirm what experience teaches: word choice in leadership matters.
- A 2019 study in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that leaders who used collective language (“our team,” “the department”) increased psychological safety and collaboration. Leaders who used possessive language (“my team”) triggered hierarchy and reduced openness.
- A 2022 review in The Leadership Quarterly highlighted stewardship leadership: where leaders act as caretakers of people and mission, as a powerful predictor of long-term organizational trust and commitment.
Your words reveal whether you’re clinging to power or carrying responsibility.
This week, try a Language Check:
- Write down how you describe your team, budget, or results in meetings.
- Circle every “my.”
- Replace it with “the” or “our” depending on context.
- Notice how it changes both your mindset and how others hear you.
Reflection:
- Where do you default to “my” in your leadership language?
- How might replacing it with “our” or “the” reshape trust in your environment?
- What ripples could a single word create for your culture?
Because leadership isn’t about my. It’s about our. It’s about the... And above all, it’s about stewardship.
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